Help for parents of sensitive children

Is your child highly sensitive? An estimated 15–20% of the population are ‘highly sensitive’. This is a genetic personality trait rather than a ‘disorder’. Sensitive children :

• can get over-stimulated easily by the physical environment or the emotions of others

• feel things very deeply and can get easily upset

• can expererince joy and happiness more intensely

• can seem ‘shy’ or appear to ‘day dream’

• might ask unusual or deep questions

• are often creative and may have a talent in a particular area such as music, science or art.

  Highly sensitive children can be full of curiosity, they may ask many questions about subjects which are difficult to address, they can be very caring about animals or the environment.  They may notice how you are feeling or pick up on details about what you’re wearing or the furniture in your home.  Some highly sensitive children are affected by the texture and taste in food, some may complain that their clothes are ‘itchy’ or uncomfortable.  They can become shy or anxious (because they over-think) or they can be very confident and seem to take on an ‘adult’ role within the family.  They will usually take longer to get things done than their peers, because they are conscientious, they may appear to ‘day dream’ or to get lost in fantasy.  Some highly sensitive children are very headstrong and determined while others wish to please and will seem quiet and reserved.  They can be intense and they can be exhausting to be around!

In school sensitive children may under-achieve because they can’t keep up with the expectations to get work done within a set timescale.  There may not be ‘room’ in the curriculum to explore their creativity.  They can struggle with friendships and they can get over-stimulated by noisy classrooms, playgrounds and lunch halls.  The emotional intelligence of the sensitive child is sometimes difficult to recognise.  There can be a pressure to ‘join-in’ if teachers aren’t aware of the needs of the child.  As these children are likely to become over-stimulated easily their ability to think clearly can be impaired and their learning can suffer.   Teachers may notice that there are times when the child seems very intelligent but at other times they close down.  As they are often stressed and not operating at their full potential their talents and abilities may be hidden.    Sensitive children can be strongly affected by children in the class who are vulnerable or disadvantaged, they will notice the dynamics within the class and they can help to alleviate tensions that may arise.  Sensitive children have a strong sense of justice and if something doesn’t seem fair to them they will want to address the situation. 

Highly sensitive boys often have particular difficulties because of expectations around being ‘masculine’ (high sensitivity is a trait that is equally present in males and females).  This tends to arise as they become older and as they become more aware of their differences.  Boys may start to try and ‘toughen’ up but they will struggle as this will be in contrast to their natural inclination.  They can feel a deep sense of shame because they get upset easily and often they wish to be more like their more ‘carefree’ friends, they can grow up feeling that there is something wrong.   

How I can help

I am currently offering online reflection sessions for parents.  Highly sensitive children can be difficult to understand and meeting your child’s needs may not always be easy. I can talk you through strategies that may help and support you in reflecting on the underlying meaning behind your child’s behaviour.  Often talking through a situation can lead to insights and simple techniques can lead to big changes. 

Reflection sessions include the following;

• an initial questionnaire so I can get a feel for the struggles that you are experiencing

• followed by three sessions (50 minutes each) where we can reflect on how your child is experiecing the world and what kind of changes might be helpful

• discussions vary according to your needs but often include parenting styles, effective communication with children, schools issues, specific areas where your child struggles or reflections on different kinds of neurodivergence (if relevant)

• after the first call I send an email with recommendations and ideas for you to try out

• choose how often you would like to have sessions

• there is an option to continue working together after the 3 sessions (or to check-in after a few months) but often this is not needed

• choose to pay £210 for the full programme or two instalments of £105

Please be aware that although these sessions can be very emotive and there will be tenderness in the conversations we have it’s not therapy. If I feel that therapy sessions would be more appropriate I will let you know.

Do contact me to set up a FREE 20 minute chat to see if this would work for you.

If you live in the Salisbury area then I can see children/ young people (ages 5 to 13) for creative and play based counselling. Take a look here to find out more.